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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Dreams of Long Island

    September 19th, 2020

    Coffee, coffee, all night I dreamt of finding a cup of coffee. I was on Long Island, N.Y. with a bunch of people. I don’t know who they were. We were at a restaurant. I saw signs for coffee, but I couldn’t find any. I looked at the clock and it was after noon. I realized it was getting too late to drink coffee. We were driving around and the last thing I said was I always get lost on Long Island. Maybe I was thinking of my grandparents during Rosh Hashanah. They always celebrated the Jewish holidays and observed Shabbat. I do not practice any religion and consider myself an atheist, but I always loved going to the Synagogue with my grandparents. I also loved living on Long Island, in Sea Cliff. It was a cool place to be in the summers as a kid, waking up early and walking down to the beach to watch the brown horseshoe crabs move across the sand during low tide.

    That freedom to walk and imagine and be free. Early morning, the taste of salt on my face. The last time I was at the Sea cliff beach was after my grandpa died. It was a sad day and the first time I saw my dad cry. I’ve been thinking about my grandma a lot lately. One of Fiona’s favorite books is “A Picture Book of Helen Keller” by David A. Adler illustrated by John & Alexandra Wallner.

    It’s been a favorite of hers for a few years. But recently she’s had me read it over and over again. My great grandma was blind. My grandma volunteered at a center for the blind. I would go with her. I remember rows of tables with blind people making dolls. I remember being amazed and I couldn’t understand how they did it. I would go from table to table talking and watching as they thread needles and sewed beautiful dolls.  On our way my grandma would pick up and drop off people, my grandma always had a van. She would also take me with her to drop off food at people’s houses. I need tell Fiona these stories. My grandma influenced me a lot. She always volunteered, with helping people and animals. She was part of the North Shore Animal League, she always had multiple rescue cats. My grandma was also an avid crafts person, she always had wooden clothespins, pieces of fabric, glue, wallpaper samples, everything. I would sit and make crafts for hours. My mom was a single working parent, my grandma was a stay at home parent, although she did have her teaching credential and taught school, but I think that was before any of her children were born.

    I am inspired again to get my special education teaching credential. I’ve always wanted to get it and become a teacher. I’m always torn because I also want to focus on making art and writing in my time away from parenting. But I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.

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  • Skin Contact

    September 18th, 2020

    Carmel soft weathered oak leaf,

    Little girl walks into a kitchen,

    Her face turns red,

    Flash Back,

    Little, sweet, soft, hands,

    Contact

    Hot, Glass from the oven, Pyrex.

    “Watch Out, it’s hot” Father says.

    He runs to her. She turns away.

    “I told her it was hot” he says to me.

    “She did not hear you” I say.

    My daughter looks to me.

    I follow.

    Fiona finds us privacy In the guest room, “I didn’t want Daddy to know it hurts, But it feels like my hearts going to explode out of my chest.” She says to me and cries, a cry I’ve never heard, a pain so unfamiliar and new from my sweet little girl. I think this was part a release from the surgery. A talking about pain. I asked her what I could do to make her feel better, she just looked at me and hugged me.

    Hurried won’t do. Too many words won’t do. Lot’s of talking to other people in a large group is torture for Fiona. Like on ZOOM whole class group meetings. Fiona is protesting that already. She’s miserable on them. Just like in the loud classroom. She has that same look on her face. A civil Protest.

    This book:

    “Mila gets her Super Ears” By Ashley Machovec and Illustrated by Megan Jansen.

    It’s the best so far of these little kid Cochlear Implant books I’ve gotten. This one I did read to Fiona. It’s written nice for a child and explains many things. It’s also easy to insert my own narrative, Mila’s parents say they called the doctor right away to learn how to help Mila hear their voices, when the nurse told them Mila was deaf. I told Fiona what I said  was “I’m gonna learn sign language” after the nurse told me you were deaf.

    The part that bothers me more in this book is as follows:

    On page 25 Mila says:

    “Everything went really well! Afterwards, (the ci surgery) I couldn’t hear for a few weeks. It was a bit confusing not being able to hear anything for such a long time”

    It would have helped if the family knew some ASL during that wait. I feel like that’s unfair to a child probably super scary too. There should be a requirement parents and children learn basic sign language before getting CI’s. It should be covered under insurance.  

    It then talks about her having fun because her mommy and daddy did arts and crafts while they waited for the CI’s to be turned on.

    Fiona and I have been having an existential crisis since the surgery. Just today we are both starting to have a bit of zest for life. We both have headaches though and both woke up at 3:00 in the morning and both had weird dreams.

    I had my meeting with the Being Human art group last night. We talked about our show coming up at the Palo Alto Art Center. It’s going to be cool. There will be opportunities for you to participate virtually! I’ll keep you posted.

    I love my ASL class I’m taking through Gallaudet ASL Connect. It’s really cool and fun. I am finally able to use ASL most of the day with the kids. It’s been great, I’m so glad I’m repeating ASL 1 too! I’m getting to the hard part of the class again, I think this second time around will be really fun. It’s interesting doing it virtually too. I miss being around ASL classmates in real life though.

    Shanah Tovah

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  • More Hope, Less Worry

    September 17th, 2020

    Good Morning! I’m feeling better now. Last night I read The Worry Box- https://www.comfortinganxiouschildren.com/worry-box-picture-book/

    It’s a super cute story about cute bears and bunnies, one of the bears talks about a Worry Box he made to put his worries in. When the other characters start to worry, they learn about the worry box and learn to put their worries away. Today Jack, Fiona, and I are making our own worry boxes! I’m excited to put my worries in a box. To live by the words of my therapist, “we only know what we know”.

    I am going to enjoy these next two weeks with Fiona BEFORE we turn on the Cochlear Implant, because I do know my role will change again. The dreaded enforcer of Cochlear Implant wearing, the audiology appointments, the Mapping, http://cochlearimplantonline.com/site/mapping-a-cochlear-implant/#:~:text=Mapping%20(or%20MAPping)%20is%20the,and%20needs%20of%20its%20user.&text=T%2DLevels%2C%20or%20Thresholds%2C,tolerable%20for%20the%20CI%20user.

    This is the first definition/information I found on the computer search, and you can see it’s from a Listening and Spoken Language person. That’s what the cochlear implant is all about. I’m not endorsing this website. It’s for information.  And this as far as I will go writing about this now, I will document the journey in real time as it happens.

    Today I start my art projects, I’m painting, I’m writing, I’m balancing.

    Fiona’s ear is healing very nicely, so that’s great, there doesn’t seem to be any lasting side effects externally from the surgery, no facial paralysis or infections. She hasn’t complained of headaches, pain, or tinnitus.

    My next entries on my blog will be stories and art! Less worry, more hope. Less backward thinking, more forward thinking.

    Thank You Thank you to all my friends and readers of my journey and all the support you have given me, especially the last three days,

    Love, Jenny Hynes

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