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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Maybe there is hope for a better civilization, atleast I’m going to try to change my pessimistic outlook for Jack and Fiona

    June 27th, 2015

    Jack wakes up first, I do the after nap routine: diaper change to highchair, do the same with Fiona. The clock says 11:10 A.M. What?! How could I have had so much time and not be ready? I have twenty minutes before we need to leave. I’m bringing down the diaper bag and realize I need gas. I was supposed to leave early to have time to get gas. DAMN! Yesterday my car said I have five miles left. Is the gym more than five miles? There’s a gas station in the parking lot there. I get the quesadillas made, strawberries chopped, both babies dressed. Jack has a last minute poop. Change the poopy diaper, babies in car, forgot my sunglasses and phone, don’t need them, I’ll survive. I start driving, having cleared the odometer, the remaining gas goes down to two miles even though we’ve only done half a mile. I’m nearing the freeway entrance, I’m tempted to try to get to the gym so I can make meditation. But what if I run out of gas on the way? It’s like 100 degrees today. How irresponsible. I decide to get gas before I get on the freeway. I laugh, I was actually considering risking running out of gas on the freeway with my two babies in 100 degrees weather without my phone or sunglasses to make it to yoga on time to do the meditation part! I realize I’m crazy! We get to the gas station and I’m totally relaxed. Who cares if I’m late to yoga and go into class after the meditation? Which is exactly what I did and it was fine. I even had time to put my pants on right, Tricia in Play Center said, “I don’t know if you know this, but your pants are on inside out.” I just laughed! Of course they were.

    jackandfionatraintoy

    It’s a quiet Saturday morning, the babies are taking their nap. There’s some clouds and fog in the sky this morning which is a welcome thing, I wish it would rain. Everything’s so dry, it scares me. Sometimes when I’m walking on the trail beside my house, the last chunk of open space in this neighborhood, I feel like its dying. It seems like more and more trees are dying and falling, I think of the movie The Road,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikeUBSrwZQA   I’m reminded of the scene when all the trees have died and all the forests are burning. But sometimes the trail feels like a sanctuary for owls, hawks, crows, coyotes, opossums, raccoons, and deer. How lucky we are to have a piece of nature to walk our dogs off leash, get some exercise, and peace.

    2013-08-07 12.27.04

    As I was reading Jack and Fiona their animals on the farm books I was thinking about how much teaching to children is done using animals, farm animals, ocean animals, baby animals, mama animals. We use the animal sounds to help encourage language development. We tell stories about doggies howling at the moon and cows giving us milk. I have yet to see a story about how we get our meat. It would seem we are a very humane society by the way we talk about our furry friends to our children. I know they are totally too young to understand the concepts of factory farms and puppy mills. But I was struck by the thought, how can people grow up and not care about animal welfare when they’ve been raised to appreciate animals and learn from them? I was surprised when Alan came home the other day and said we shouldn’t eat any pork that’s not humanly raised. I’ve been trying to tell him that forever, but he listened to a program on the radio that talked about how awful pigs are treated and something about the meat being not good for consumption. It affected him, which is awesome!

    I know it’s probably too late to save the world, but it’s not too late for my family to change. Just because I feel like there’s no hope for civilization, I want Jack and Fiona, and their generation to believe there is. I want them to have a dream of a better world, a humane world, a loving world. Things are already changing, legalizing Gay marriage has happened. Jack and Fiona will grow up in a place where people can love and marry the person that’s right for them. Maybe there is still hope for a better world.

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  • Confessions and Questions

    June 26th, 2015

    I’m not sure if it’s done yet. Maybe it needs one more thing. One of my collage/paintings I made yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about it and things I could do to it. But at the same time I don’t want to do anything to it because I like it and I know I’ll ruin it, I don’t know, I’m obsessed. I hope I have time to work in my studio today. Maybe I’ll bring the babies in to do some painting. I was thinking about working on some collaborations with Jack and Fiona. Mark Making. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.

    fridayabstract1

    Babies taking their nap now. Had time to paint a few quick ones and take a shower. I worked on the one I was obsessed about and it just isn’t working. I think it’s the composition and that can’t be fixed at this point, so it goes in the dog pile. It’s 10:32AM and I know Jack and Fiona will wake up soon, hopefully not too soon! They need their rest and we’re going to the gym today so I can do Yoga. I haven’t been able to go all week because I didn’t have time to make any reservations for Jack and Fiona in Play Center due to my nanny quitting. Which I have to tell, I have closure now with H and an explanation. I texted her last night to tell her she left two sweaters at my house. She texted me back with an explanation: She said she was sorry about what happened, her aunt really did die and she was depressed. She felt like taking care of Jack and Fiona wouldn’t be the best thing for them because they need someone who can keep up, not someone who is sad. That’s when she contacted D to get more hours because she needs money to survive, and D has newborn babies which maybe seemed easier? She said she was embarrassed that’s why she didn’t tell me the truth.  I feel sad reading her text right now, how awful to feel that way, and I know exactly how she feels. I hope she gets through this rough patch. It made me think about my depression I’ve gone through and how no one ever knew because I seemed so happy. H was so bubbly, I would have never known. That’s the thing about depression, it’s hard to spot, easy to hide, very isolating, and embarrassing.

    fridayabstract2

    I have an interview tomorrow, and with H’s confession I feel I can trust people again! I feel I can take people at face value and believe what they say to be true. I know that some people just have a hard time communicating their feelings. Not Jack and Fiona! They are big communicators. I have a confession of my own to make, I still give Jack and Fiona morning, afternoon, and evening bottles of formula. They ask for them in a very specific, very annoying way! So I’ve been complying. Until now. This morning I gave them a 4oz bottle of warm milk. They drank it no problem, but its 2% milk. They don’t like whole milk at all. I’ve always been told babies need whole fat dairy, I wonder if that’s really true? My plan is to phase out the bottles and get them to drink all their milk out of cups. I’m not sure how long I should give the transition time? I sure will be happy not to have to wash and make bottles!

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  • Quiet Hours

    June 25th, 2015

    Quiet hours, babies having a great nap. Had studio time. Painted with the thought, Baby Inspired, in my mind.

    figureflowerscribble

    The day is hot and dry, it’s the last week in June. Have been engrossed with finding a new nanny, e-mailing back and forth. It sucks up so much time. Now I don’t trust anyone. I’m telling the candidates I need an honest, reliable person with good pronunciation of the English language. But it feels like people try to say all the right things to get the job, even if they aren’t sure they want the job. Maybe that’s just the way it is. Maybe I was spoiled by Ramona. She was straight forward and open. I could go on and on about her amazing attributes. But she didn’t have good English pronunciation. I’ve decided I’m in no rush, I just want to find the right person. I told myself I need to be honest with any red flags I see in the candidates. The truth is, you never know until they start working and the only way to find out is to take a chance.

    abstractbabyinspired

    I think the babies are awake now. Yes, they are, and they are so adorable. The nice long nap did them good. We went to early Start in the morning. We had our parents meeting and the teachers at Early Start worked with the babies the whole time. I actually feel like I got a break even though it was with three other parents I barely know and feel our worlds are totally different, but maybe they’re not. Kathy, the therapist who leads the group is like an angle. She is full of beauty and kindness. I am starting to feel more relaxed at Early Start. It’s a bit mellower in the summer because there’s not as many students.

    paintinglovechild2

    Why do sixteen month olds only play nice with their toys for five minutes before they need to go do something they’re not supposed to do?

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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
  • Blog
  • Catitudes
  • Dirty Laundry Blog
  • My Peloton version 2
  • Portfolio
  • Random Tips for twin parents

 

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