Horses were in my dreams and my every waking hour. The plastic hoofs would gallop on the dirt in my backyard for hours. I would feel like I was in an imaginary world, perfect for me. Breyer horses were the best. I would examine the lines from the mold, feel the way they created the muscles in the legs. Mine often had broken legs taped up, some slightly deformed from the sitting outside in the hot Spring valley sun. I remember feeling so hot but I could not pull myself away from the imaginary world of horses I was in.
I had my own collection, received from birthdays, I had one that looked just like “Lady”, my mom’s rescue horse. I remember being so happy the day I received that toy. The real “Lady” was off limits to me. My mom would say that she would kick me or buck me off if I tried to ride her. That challenged my imagination and my heart beat a bit faster with the prospect of one day defying my mom and riding Lady. I would play with my toy Lady and imagine myself riding the real Lady, running and jumping. The plastic lady was a graceful toy with lean legs, and a delicately styled dark brown mane. Her torso was light brown, she looked like a Thoroughbred racehorse. I kept that toy for years and years, in a box of toy horses. Even though this one was melted, deformed, and had a broken leg.
When my own babies were born and they became toddlers, old enough to play with Breyer horses I brought out my collection. I tried to engage my kids with the toy horses, they were not interested at all. I couldn’t understand. I felt sad and nostalgic. How can my kids not be interested in toys I spent hours in the backyard playing with?
I tried displaying the horses in their rooms as decoration, it just looked cluttered. I tried to justify keeping them in a box, but that seemed sad. Finally, I made the tough decision to throw out “lady” and all the other broken leg melted Breyer horses! I gave away the good horses hoping some other child would find the joy on the toys that I did as a child. I felt good once I made the decision and felt proud to be able to purge the physical items that meant so much to me, but kept the memories in my mind that will last forever.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 