Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

Closer to the person I want to be

April 19th, 2019
How do I even begin? I feel great relief, a sense of freedom on my horizon. I finally finished the process of deciding Fiona’s education plan and feel like I’ve received the information I needed. I feel like I’ve made my decisions as best as I can. It’s been intense. As intense as it was for me when we were trying to have a baby. To make decisions I’ve had to make concerning my own fertility and now questions about Fiona’s Hearing Loss. I’ve had to dig deep down inside myself to answer ethical questions, process science and technical information, try to understand life through Fiona’s experience. Every decision has been a smorgasbord of questions. I’ve had to read so much, do so much research, talk to so many people, ask so many questions. I feel like even my transition to veganism has intersected with the big questions I’ve had lately. The question about sending my kids to our nearest school, even though Jack and Fiona will need to be in the same classroom because there’s only one Kindergarten. I feel so strongly with living local, getting away from my car, walking and riding bikes through the neighborhood. That outweighs the risk of having twins together in the same classroom. Many questions about myself, how I got to a position of high cholesterol and on a road to heart disease have come up. Thinking about my mom. I was at Target the other day. I didn’t feel amazing, and I was getting the kids ice cream. I saw some Vegan ice creams, I wanted some, but when I checked the nutrition label, they had more fat and sugar along with artificial stuff than the dairy ice cream. I decided I would skip it, but I got the kids a pack of It’s It, the kind with three in a box. I wanted one so bad. I struggled with the decision for hours. I finally decided, NO I’m not eating one or anything like that. The moment passed. The next day I felt so proud of myself. I recognized a feeling, where I felt sick and depressed and wanted something soothing, like a sugary fatty treat. I almost gave in, but I thought about how healthy I’ve been eating, how I haven’t had a processed food like an It’s it for almost three months. I did have vegan Ice Cream and A vegan Chocolate Brownie and a Vegan Chocolate chip cookie in the past three months, but they all came from super organic fancy local shops. I started eating Falafel again too, I hope I can get away with that one. I just love Falafels, hummus with olive oil and Tahini! It can’t be that bad, right?? We’ll see when I take my next cholesterol test. I constantly am faced with my mom’s death and being an older aged parent. I’m going through menopause with five-year-old twins! Sometimes I wish I was young. But sometimes I don’t. The things I just went through were intense, I wouldn’t want to go through everything I’ve been through again.

This is a good place I’m at now. I’m ready for phase two! Getting back to a regular yoga and mediation practice. Getting back into my studio and creativity on a more frequent schedule. I’m excited. I’ve learned so much lately about myself and knowing what’s most important to me in my life. I am closer to the person I want to be.
Share this:
Tweet
Email
Print
WhatsApp
Like Loading…
Been Crazy Lately

March 28th, 2019
Yesterday I got a shot of fresh depression.

I was tired in the morning, but I went to yoga after drop off, and felt like I could have a productive, healthy day. I decided to print out all the e-mails I’ve sent the school District. I am starting my IEP file for Fiona. When I saw the stack of printed e-mails, I was so depressed. I knew that nothing I had written was worth much, that nothing I wrote could sway any outcomes for Fiona in any way.

I thought that I probably sounded crazy, and that I have gone crazy, almost like I did when I was trying to have kids.

The waiting for answers.

The crazy thing is that I’m going through all the stress this time Around because I had kids. I had twins and one is Deaf/HH.

I knew that entering public school would be stressful. I knew my views were different than many people around me.

I knew I would have to fight for what I believe in. I didn’t know how stressful it would be. I didn’t know that everything would be so hard. Every decision I make that means a lot to me is met with opposition. I want to give up so many times, just try to fit in. Just go with the status quo so life’s easier for me. Because this is almost unbearable.
Share this:
Tweet
Email
Print
WhatsApp
Like Loading…
WORLD VIEW FRAGS and DISLOCATIONS

March 28th, 2019
Global Art Project Participation in Brooklyn Art Library Sketchbook Project

GAP, (The Global Art Project) is a group of artists living in many countries around the world. We work on collaborative projects by mailing “FRAGS” (scraps of old work ripped up, studio floor finds, collections of tickets, maps, ect.) to each other. We then work on collage and mixed media in our own studios. GAP also organizes yearly residencies where members get to meet face to face and work together. GAP has in the past and is currently working on several collaborative sketchbooks, we call our collection of sketchbooks “DISLOCATIONS”. When I saw the BROOKLYN LIBRARY SKETCHBOOK PROJECT, I thought it was perfect for GAP! I initiated and curated the project, along with Carl Heyward, the founder of GAP. I originally ordered one sketchbook, but after I received so much interest in participation from fellow GAP members and I saw how little the sketchbook was I ordered a second one. The first Sketchbook I named Volume One. That traveled the United States and was originally SOLO work. But when the book was finished and returned to me it had grown very thick. I had to make some executive decisions and edit some pages. I used “FRAGS” from the edited pages and in the end almost every page is a collaboration. Volume Two went to Europe first. Switzerland, then Belgium, Spain, and made several stops in the U.S. before it was returned to me. Again, I had to edit and rework the book. It had grown too thick again! I had so much trouble with this sketchbook that in the end it only has four pages. I ordered a third book, Volume Three. This final volume traveled to Senegal in January for a GAP residency. Participants at the residency added to the sketchbook over the course of their stay in Senegal. Carl Heyward returned the last Sketchbook to me when he returned from Senegal and fortunately Volume Three did not need to be edited or re-worked!

It was a super fun, but a stressful project for me. I love how the books turned out and hope they make the cut as far as size requirement. I learned a lot about curating an art project that involves over twenty people. Also coordinating the shipping and the documentation. I set up a Brooklyn Art Library Sketchbook Project Facebook page for GAP and my goal was to have everyone document their entries so we could watch the book evolve. It was somewhat successful, but there were definitely issues that I will be aware of next time!
Share this:
Tweet
Email
Print
WhatsApp
Like Loading…