My eyes feel like sand paper today. There’s barely a drop of energy left in my body. I am so tired today. There’s laundry everywhere, clean, dirty, piles and piles. Today marks the halfway point of my project and today I don’t have energy for the studio or anything. I wish I could have a day off from my life. Just to rest and relax.
I looked at my CBEST test today, I took that test in 1999. I had the results sent to three universities. I opened my most recent Credential folder information and I had printed out all the information from Sonoma State in 2015. Wanting to become a teacher has been a lifelong dream.
Why do I always put it off?
Today I need to figure out how I can rest with the kids. I’m so tired I don’t want to play barbies or take a bike ride.
I’m O.K. Just a bit blah today. Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be more productive.
There’s a little hum in the background I’m listening to my kids talk online to teachers and other students. It’s a quiet hum. They sound grown up. Then, Things change, I need to get up, I can tell Fiona’s FM isn’t plugged in. I can hear the person on the other side talking to her, but Fiona keeps talking about her super hero dolls! I go in and fix the FM connection. Things quiet down again. But Jacks done with his class. I rejoin him in the classroom. He’s working with a hot glue gun making a fort out of popsicle sticks.
Now Fionas done. I still haven’t gone in the studio. It’s been busy all day. My plan is to log them on at 2:00 for their closing circle and I’ll scoot down to my studio and paint a closing painting. A quick one. I might be able to start my stitching. I’m nervous because my hand is feeling sore.
I still haven’t made it to my studio yet. My son wants to ride his bike. Can I go in my studio while he rides his bike? No.
Jack rode his bike up and down the rode several times. He wanted to keep riding, but I wanted to go into my studio so bad. I encouraged Jack to watch u-tube, just for awhile. So I could work in my studio. I made it happen. I worked.
I had a quick fruitful session.
Optimism and determination always win
It is so Fall! I love it! I love the birds and the light, the shadows cast in October. I am looking forward to Fall. The figs are all rotting on the ground, little light sepia birds with tiny pebble eyes come to feast. A scattering on dry leaves curl beneath the tree.
A large oak tree branch broke at the park today. Just snapped off, it was the size of a large tree, the branch that broke off. The saws been going all day. The park that’s still closed and covered with caution tape. When will we ever be able to get back to the park?
Wow, what a Monday. more fires close to home. I can smell smoke but the thick smoke is in the East Bay right now. The wind blows softly, the freeway hums louder than I’ve heard in many months. It seems like business as usual as more businesses begin to open back up. My eyes burn a bit as I sit outside to write today.
In a continuous cycle of trauma
The dry fall leaves rustle. Tiny pink flowers sprinkle the crab myrtle trees. The Japanese maple are the color of a beautiful piece of rusted metal. But forty five minutes away red fire blankets the hillsides under a 100 degree late fall day.
Zoom meetings and chaos filled our homeschool classroom today as we tried to scramble and stay on time and on task.
I studied my ASL and met with an ASL Pal, (a deaf mentor on ASL connect through Gallaudet). That was so fun but I have such a long way to go to become fluent in ASL. I signed to my Pal about CSDF and Fiona. About mainstream and Audism.
It was the first time I needed to use chat. I wish I could be around ASL for days at a time. The next time CSDF has a family weekend I am going. But we have the coronavirus to wait out. I didn’t like the news I heard this morning about the coronavirus getting worse and the strong possibility of a third wave. Ugh. The news. I don’t like anything I’ve been hearing on the news lately!
It is damn hot out here. I only had a short time in my studio today. Today is Today, I accept today. I’ve done my best.