Some Days you just can’t make it outta the house.

Throw up, poop, screaming, whining. Will we have the energy to leave the house today?


Drop  babies off in Play Center, they are excited. Doing iyengar yoga today. “I haven’t done this class before, do we set up any special way?” I ask a man in the yoga studio. He tells me how we set up, then says, “Do you know about the teacher?” “No” I say. “She’s great, she’s really well known, she’s black.” I walk away, set up my mat, why did he blurt out “she’s black” I wonder. Very strange. We start with pranayama, the teacher instructs us to sit in a cross legged position on our bolster, breathe in and out through our nose. She gives us a visualization of the nostrils and  air moving in and out. We focus on lifting our breast bone, sitting erect. The teacher comes around and corrects our postures, she comes to me several times gently pushing my torso back. “Be mindful of how the body goes into default mode.” She says to the class. My body keeps collapsing forward. We use lots of props and do restorative positions I’ve never done before. It’s very relaxing and meditative.


Jack and Fiona run to me. They had a great time in Play Center. We head out to lunch and look for a present for Alan’s birthday. All is well. Babies getting tired, they fall asleep in the car. I decide to drive to the mall to get my eyebrows threaded. I sit in my car in the shade and read while Jack and Fiona take their naps. This is a good day. Suki finally gets to meet Jack and Fiona. She’s really excited! I let them play in the nasty, dingy, mall toddler play area. They enjoy it. We’re driving home, the babies start to whine. It’s close to dinner time, I get it. Then I hear a wet gurgling chunky sound. Smell a sweet fermented strawberry Smell. No way, Jack’s just threw up. Fiona starts screaming. I pull into my driveway. It takes me a minute, throw up, chunks, smell, buckles, Jacks crying, Fiona’s screaming. O.K. Take Jack out of the car seat. It smells bad. All the questions, how can I clean this? What do I do with Jack and Fiona? Do we have the flu? Is he car sick? Will they really want dinner tonight? O.K. just handle the situation. Slimy, strawberry, white, cheese, throw up rests between Jack and me as I pick him up and take off his shirt and pants. Let him loose for a minute. Hope he doesn’t fall, eat a nail, or run in front of a car. Fiona’s screaming and screaming in her super high pitched voice. She wants out. NOW! I Take Jack up stairs and put him in his high chair. He’s crying. I hear Fiona in the car screaming at the top of her lungs. The whole valley probably hears it. I imagine what I’d do if a neighbor asked if she was O.K. I’d say, “Step into my shoes right now.” I’d just sit back and watch how they operate for the next two hours. I put Fiona, in her high chair. Put the signing time DVD in that Linda let me borrow. I hear the sound in Jacks throat again. I grab some paper towels. He throws up several more times. I catch it with  paper towels. I go back downstairs to clean the throw up in my car. I think I do a pretty good job.

Let the babies loose in the family room so I can clean the high chairs.  Look around the corner and see jack naked. Realize he’s pooped. There’s poop on his leg and a diaper filled with poop on the floor. All I smell is poop and throw up. Fiona’s going back and forth between screaming and laughing. She has a big ol’ poop too, her diapers hanging low. Alan gets home. He helps. Just in time.

Nursery, bath, bottle, bed.

Wednesday Morning: Today we are all very tired. I cancelled our reservation at Play Center. I don’t think we’ll make it out of the house today.

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Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist