I opened the window in the nursery to let in some fresh air, it’s late fall and the crickets are loud. I carry Fiona over to the window, she’s wearing her hearing aids but I want to make sure she can hear the crickets. She looks at me with a smile. I decide to take her outside, show her the night sky. 

“Jack, We’ll be right back, I’m taking Fiona outside then I’ll come get you”

He looks at me with worry, his face turns from happy relaxation and he starts to cry. 

“It’s Ok Jack, you can come too”

I open the back door, it’s dark, Jack walks backwards, he’s scared. I take Fiona out first, we can’t see the moon or stars, it’s too early still. I take her in and pick up Jack. As I carry him out he’s looking at me concerned, he looks around at the silhouettes of plants and trees, then he starts crying. He’s scared, it’s the first time he’s noticed and seen the dark nights. As infants they didn’t no the difference, now they know somethings changed. I tell him “it’s OK, everythings OK Jack. The Earth has it’s own rhythms, we don’t control nature.”

We go back inside the nursery and Jack lays in my lap, Fiona next to me, everyone silent. I rub their backs and wonder what’s going through their minds? 

I put in nightlights, I realized a lot of the crying before bed last week was probably because it got dark so early, they were used to falling asleep while it was still light out. 

Nursery time is my favorite time with the babies. All of my complaints and stress about mothering I feel during the day disappear at bath and bottle time. It’s just me, Jack, and Fiona in a small, soft, cozy, completely childproofed room. We read books, cuddle, and totally enjoy each others company. There’s no stress in the nursery.