Transformational Moments

Sunday Morning, still “night night” outside, rain pitter patter, my husband sleeping soundly in our warm cozy bed, and I can hear jack and Fiona starting to babble. It’s 6:37 am, I should have a half hour before I go get the babies from the nursery. This week has been interesting and transforming. I think I’ve finally made it through the depression part of my reaction to the war and world instability, mass violence and suffering, I think I’ve ‘reached the acceptance part of my grief over it all. I’ve successfully channeled my energies into my own work in the studio and training my babies, my little soldiers of peace, love, and art!

I’ve employed my “art therapy” method this week to wean the babies off their bottles, it worked famously. We ended up cutting out the bottles cold turkey. I think I’ve actually cracked the code, the problem is it entails a lot more work than I previously was doing. One day Linda said to me “you can’t make them happy all the time” I think I mentioned this previously in another writing. This is most definitely true, the first Noble truth taught by Buddha is that “life is suffering, to live you must suffer” (    Growing up is filled with moments of suffering, and for Jack and Fiona it’s also frustration because they can’t talk, they can’t explain what exactly they want. We’ve been working on that, “I want …..” I make them use this phrase all day now. So when they start breaking down and crying I let them get it out. That’s healthy. But I’ve found that sometimes introducing some paint, paper, stickers, and markers does wonders. It’s like magic. I posted a picture of the babies on Facebook during my experiment this week, one of my friends who also has twins said “we need to get off the bottles too, but I don’t think I’m willing to try that” I started laughing when I read it. Like I said, I’ve cracked the code, but it’s messy and lots of work. Last night I needed to tidy the kitchen, so I put on an episode of Masha and the Bear. Jack loves his shows, Fiona would rather be in the kitchen with me. Before this week she would be whining, “mama mama , down down” ( meaning let me in the kitchen)  She drives me crazy, but lately I’ve been letting her in and giving her little things to do. Last night I brought out the paper and pens for the third time. I also read her a book on color and sat with her. She was happy, happy, happy. Until Jack caught wind and came in like a wrecking ball, grabbing all the pens, causing chaos and unrest! “Alan, can you do something special with Jack?” I said. I carried Jack back into the living room and he built blocks with Alan, I finished up coloring with Fiona and straightening the kitchen.
 I got so excited that the babies love art, when I went to work in my studio Friday night I was inspired by that. One of Fiona’s paintings in particular I just loved. I felt a lightness, maybe also because I have a new tool, a messy, time consuming one, not a quick fix, but a very effective tool. I’m also excited that we have another activity we can do together, especially going forward as Jack and Fiona get older. I just want to live in a world of creativity! And color and texture!
 I made a big mistake this week, I backed into a fire hydrant, no excuses, I wasn’t distracted or anything, I mean I just had a conversation with a doctor whose son is in Fiona’s program. “How will I know they are getting enough milk and fluids?” I asked her. “They don’t need milk and they will let you know when they are hungry” She said. “Yeah! I’m so excited, I don’t have to worry at all” I turn on the car, super happy and bam, the yellow hydrant comes out of nowhere, tears the corner of my bumper. Bummer. For that little mistake, $1600. Major F Up! Yesterday in my yoga class the teacher talked about the usual concepts that yogis aspire to live by. She talked about not dwelling on mistakes of the past, what could have been, what I could have done differently. I’m trying to do that about the bumper! It was a stupid mistake but hopefully it won’t happen again! She also said, “What if you just said I don’t care what happens next, I don’t care” Just live in the present.

Time to get to work, make breakfast for family, maybe I’ll make pancakes and eggs? Is that too much work? We’ll see.

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist