Jacks starting to call for me, it’s 7:21 Tuesday morning. Fog sits peacefully in the sky outside the kitchen windows. Mind foggy from sleep and yesterday’s whirlwind of activity. There was cleaning to do from the weekend, a visit from Linda, Fiona’s teacher, I also had to clean my studio and organize my work for my studio visit. I painted my wall, but didn’t have the same color, it still looks better, quieter. I threw away a bunch of paper work that was on the floor, I didn’t even look at it and now I remember there were a few things I’m still working on. That’s ok, I have more in my pile of, I like, but not a favorite/ not sure/ not done. My studio is looking really nice, but busy. I hope it’s not too busy. I am going to edit my recent work one more time, I have some really beautiful abstract paintings. I’m excited, and proud of myself. I feel confident, (with bouts of self-doubt). I can’t wait to go through my framed work from my two shows in 2014, it will be so interesting in relationship to my most recent work. The progression from figurative to non- figurative has been a success. I’ve written about this before, several times, but before 2013 I had to have a figure or head in everything I did. I was obsessed, with the nose, the mouth, disappearing figures, ghosts, angst. I was not free, my mark making and use of color and line have always been loose, but I was trapped in a pre-determined outcome of everything I painted, it had to have a figure or face. Now, after journeying into non-figurative work when I do reconnect with my figures they are much stronger, It’s also a lot easier to let them go. While cleaning my studio I was distracted by new ideas I got while organizing. My deconstructed Dada book is revealing so much to me, teaching me.
On Sunday night, I was looking at Art books in the living room with the babies. It felt so good, I used to spend lots of time doing this, but this is the first time I tried to include Jack and Fiona. It was so quiet and peaceful, they responded to Dubuffet with smiles and laughs. I found a paper, “Working with Found Objects” tucked inside a page of my Raushenberg book. I started reading it, it talked about the Dada artists and ideas for projects, then I realized I had written it, this was a strange feeling, the paper is ten years old, I wrote it in my fiber sculpture class. It sounded so optimistic, myself before my mom died, before all the baby stuff. My inner change revealed to me. It’s like my paintings and writing are a map of myself and my life. It’s amazing to see the change in both. Well it’s 8:00am, time to get the show on the road. Babies need to be dressed, lunch made and babies driven to school.