The fine balance between worry and letting go, between control and trusting. Last night as thoughts and worries flooded my mind; what will the show look like at Room (we gave the gallery full control over hanging the work) will my pieces get hung? Tell myself, it doesn’t matter, the show looks great no matter what. But I’ve put so much work into it, spent so much money, It’s OK, there’s more shows down the road. What if I can’t sleep, what if I have bad insomnia? Just relax, you’ll be fine. What if I can’t get the baby seats back in the car to take the babies to school? (I took them out yesterday to carry artwork to gallery) Don’t worry, you’ll be able to get them in good enough. What if? What if? What if? Turn it off, get off the Merry Go Round. I tell myself this. I tell myself let it all go, don’t look through your magnifying glass, look through your binoculars. Be present now, here, at each moment. Putting the babies to bed, watching The Walking Dead, sleeping. Because tomorrow will be fine. There’s nothing to worry about, nothing that matters. And here I am. It’s 6:35AM Tuesday morning, I slept O.K., O.K. enough to make it through the day. The babies are still sleeping, I’ve had a nice cup of coffee and toast. And that’s that. Let the day ride out.

Anxiety takes its form in worrying about things that don’t need to be worried about. I just started worrying again about the laundry, the toys, oh my gosh! That’s crazy. I want to write more but I’m so worried about the day I think I’ll start by;( A. putting the car seats back in the car. (B. getting dressed (C. making the babies breakfast (D. getting the babies dressed and in car. The rest of the day will unfold naturally. I’m gonna go now. Hope to see you later at the show!!

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist