At first, I’m mad, I’m still mad. The International Women’s Day and Strike is today. I’m mad because I can’t participate. I’m mad because so many women can’t participate. I’m mad because women never get a break. Today we are supposed to participate, be “on strike”, but stay at home moms can’t do that. We don’t punch a time card, we don’t get paid, we don’t collect social security, are unable to save for retirement, but our work is indispensable. Our homes need us today and every other day, 365 days a year, 24/7. We don’t get weekends off, we can’t take a sick day. For those of who juggle homemaker and a job, holy cow! Hats off to you women! It’s hard work being a woman. We get paid less, we get penalized for getting pregnant, male bosses talking behind the backs of their female workers when they need to take maternity leave. Thinking about how much it costs the company to pay her, to keep her in the company. But no one would be here without women. We raise the world. We are more important than we give ourselves credit for. Women are the thread that ties the world together, our children are the future. My mom made me who I am today, I give her all the credit, a working, single mom. Put herself through college to make a better life. Never got a day off. Never took a vacation. She died without ever taking a vacation.
I wish I could “take the day off”, go to San Francisco, participate in a March, hang out with other women. Maybe I should? Maybe I should bring the babies to San Francisco to the march and rally? Maybe I should take Jack and Fiona to the city? It’s a beautiful day! Tempting! If they feel up to it I think I just might!! I feel like a weight has been lifted off me just now! Possibilities are opening up. I woke up so early I had a chance to work in my studio this morning. The weight on my shoulders started to lighten as I mixed paint, drew, made marks. I can’t just “drop my responsibilities” today, but I can shake them up, turn things upside down. I need a social connection today. I have plans with one of my best friends to meet up, can I convince her to take the babies to the March in SF? We’ll see. I have to see how Jack and Fiona feel first, if they are sick everything’s thrown out the window! I’ll be on Full Mom duty! We never know how our day will go until the children are up. This is one of the MOST difficult parts of being a parent. I can have the best intentions for the day, be feeling great, and sometimes, the children cry, and whine, and pee on the floor, and get into everything, and don’t listen. By the time night comes I feel I’ve been run over by a truck. Mindfulness practice helps, but it doesn’t prevent all the “FUCK” moments! Complete frustration. That was yesterday. But in between those days we have our beautiful, potty trained, sweet, fun days together. It all evens out in the end.
The house is still quiet. Jack and Fiona will be up soon. I have a bit of anxiety. A bit of anxiety today. Maybe I should take a hot bath before they get up. Before I do everything else I need to do.