Reality vs. optimism

My studio sat vacant today, paintings I started on Monday, containers of watercolor paint I mixed. Energy, love, emotion, freedom, sat in my studio waiting to meet me again. I longed for my space, my time, my release my creative heart. Today I was woke by my raging son. “Where is the T.V. remote”! Then I was consumed with DHH/IEP business. I let the kids watch u-tube during that time. When I finished my work on the computer and the phone I played with the kids outside. Jack and I made paper airplanes and I painted Fiona’s nails. I gave my old dog a nice bath and took her for a short walk as she huffed and puffed.

Now I’m making dinner and the kids are watching a movie. We had a rough day behavior wise. I was constantly being called and needed, a high demand day. Not called in a fun interactive way, called in a whiny moody way. It made me realize, again, as solid as my education plans are for the fall and even though I am excited to do the job and optimistic I know that times will be challenging. To give each child the attention they need during school hours, 8:30-3:00 will be demanding. I don’t see time to do my own work during those hours or even cook lunch. It looks like I need to have snack and lunch prepared the night before. No breaks all day. I do not see how I can fit in my studio time. Unless of course I find someone to help me, but so far I’ve hit a dead end on finding an assistant teacher.

I was hoping to spend the next two weeks before school starts painting and letting the kids eat junk food and watch TV, but now I realize I have daily work to do concerning Fiona’s IEP. I will have meetings to attend and e-mails to write. I will not quit writing my blog daily though, it is quite helpful and I love it. I love writing.

I feel for every parent out there this year and I know we are all struggling and will struggle through this year with our kids and being teachers and facilitators of technology. All while keeping up with the laundry, cooking, and cleaning. I guess I’m kind of freaking out again. Jack has super bad ADHD or Defiant Disorder, I do not not know but he’s a handful. Jacks going a mile a minute all day long or raging. Fiona needs quiet and calm communication all day. Yeah. I’m freaking. I know I can do it and I’m so grateful for the time with them I wouldn’t have ordinarily had. Life is good. My studio is downstairs and I can figure out how to get in there somehow.

And if the kids need to repeat first grade they repeat first grade.

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist