Saturday night, 7:45PM I hear a wail from Jack, I go down to the nursery and Fiona’s awake too. I think maybe they are hungry. I make two new bottles, they didn’t finish their bedtime bottles but I threw them away. They sip on the bottles but are more excited I am here. They smile at me, stick their little hands out the crib, I touch their hands and they laugh. I go back upstairs and jack cries again. Maybe they’re hungry? This is very uncharacteristic of them, they usually go to sleep at 6:45 with no problems. I bring down two food packets, they both eat them. I go back upstairs to finish watching Wentworth. Jack starts crying again. I give it five minutes but he doesn’t stop. I go down to the nursery and this time pick him up. His nose is a little stuffed up, maybe he’s getting sick? I lay down on the futon with him on my chest, all 28 pounds of him. His weight presses down on me, almost being too much to be comfortable at all, but he’s relaxed. He never does this, not anymore anyhow. When jack and Fiona were infants I held them on my chest doing skin to skin at every feeding and any other chance I could get. Jack nuzzles his head right over my heart, it reminds me of the nurses telling me babies gravitate to the heart. They want to hear the heartbeat. I remember being scared that they wouldn’t be able to hear my heartbeat, that my heart didn’t pump strong enough. I thought “what if they try to sync up with my heartbeat and they die because they can’t feel it?” I try to put Jack back in his crib. He wails, I lay down in my own bed telling him, “Mommy’s right here.” It doesn’t work, he keeps crying. It’s after ten now, everyone’s tired. I bring him in our bed. He is intrigued by the shadows on the ceiling. He keeps pushing me closer to the edge of the bed. I decide to get the play and pack, I put a super soft blanket in it and place it at the foot of our bed. We turn off the lights and he starts crying again. This won’t work. My husband and I decide he’s well enough to sleep in his own crib and we all need our sleep! I put jack in his own bed and say “Goodnight”. I get back in my bed, he cries, it’s really hard to listen to, but I let him cry. It only lasts a few minutes this time and he falls asleep. YEA! Sometimes it truly is necessary to let babies cry it out!
Category: advice for new moms of twins
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Twenty Eight pounds, that’s how much Jack weighs now, Fiona, twenty three. I was reading an article about fitness age in Self magazine, it talked about adding more HITT workouts to maximize your health. My legs are so tired. I want to add more cardio but I don’t have the energy. Even Ramona is tired after watching jack and Fiona, and she’s only here for a few hours. I hope our new nanny knows what she’s getting herself into! I don’t think anyone could imagine the weight load unless they physically do it themselves. The stairs are the killer. I have to make two trips up and down, up and down, carrying an extra twenty something pounds. I let jack and Fiona crawl up the stairs as much as I can, but they are so easily distracted. The other day jack was starting to come down the big set of stairs, he went head first, my heart dropped, he put his arm out and caught himself, but it was a close call. They can’t be trusted at all.
I was able to work in the studio yesterday, not for long, but it felt good to get in there. I realized lately that I have time to do everything I want to do. The problem is, I don’t have the energy, and my mind feels like play dough. Raising twins is a physically and emotionally draining job. It just is, there’s no way to sugar coat it. No matter how wonderful it is and how adorable my babies are. I walked by the book of signs Linda let me borrow and I got really sad. I almost started crying because I thought to myself, “When and How will I ever have time to learn sign language and teach my baby girl sign language?” I feel bad, I know I’m doing all I can, but I wish I could do more. I guess I’m stretched too thin and I’m not getting that “Recharge time.” I need to take a painting class or something. So I’m away from the house with adults. I need an anchor. I’ve always felt isolated since I started working from home. For a year I volunteered at Art Works Downtown. I loved it, I felt connected to my community. I got to see friends on the second Friday art walks. It was really great.
Jack and Fiona have been playing together the whole time I’ve been writing this. It’s super cute.
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Home again. Jack and Fiona run onto the deck, which may be too dangerous soon, they are fearless climbers. It seems toddlers have an insatiable desire for danger. Open outlets, strangulation, (I can even spell that word now!) drinking toxic chemicals, head injuries, open flames, climbing everything, It goes on and on. So again, if you’re pregnant with twins or have newborn twin babies it really does get harder, sorry, but it gets more and more intense. Your sweet little babies will turn into monkeys. Why do people always say it gets easier? I will never know.
First Morning waking up in own house after vacation. Time to get babies. Bottles, toast, banana, read Moo, BAA, LA LA LA! Put Jack and Fiona out in their play area, which after living without it for five days I realize how wonderful and safe an area it is. It’s very important to have one area the babies can play, go wild, run around, and be relatively safe. Of course accidents can happen anywhere anytime. MOO MOO BA BA LA. Just put babies down for a nap, they are very tired this morning and so am I. Blah Blah Blah.
Painting. Need to paint. Haven’t been in the studio in a week, I think my brain is starting to melt. The ocean was wonderful and of course vacations are marvelous, but I’m missing that alone time, my creative time. I’ve been distracted lately, which has interfered with my flow. I need to find a new nanny. Ramona is amazing, we love her so much, but her English is limited. This is not a problem for Jack, but for Fiona it’s less than ideal. We were told this months ago, Fiona needs to be spoken to in a consistent language, English. Ramona has been practicing English but it’s not coming quick enough to keep up with Fiona’s language development. I’ve been tore up about it, last time I ended up caving and keeping Ramona because we love her so much. This time I can’t, I need to be strong for Fiona and find a new nanny that can help me with teaching Fiona language. Someone who’s bubbly and energetic. A person who can learn some sign language. It’s hard.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 