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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
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www.jennyhynes.com/

Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Cat Lady

    November 22nd, 2023

    Vacation, sunny and crisp, red and orange leaves on the trees outside, inside, finally just me and our new kittens, Aspen and Pine.

    Memories flood back to me.

    “The cats will keep you company.” my mom would say. The wood floors would creak as cats and dogs walked down the tiny dark hallway. Doors eternally open to allow free roaming inside and outside. The cold mornings in the valley, barefoot walking on frost covered ground with my cats and dogs. They took care of me.

    My mom would say, “Crystal Bear will keep you company.” With her blue eyes and white fur, our favorite cats were always Siamese.

    I think Aspen is a Russian Blue and Pine is a Bengal. My mom and I always felt a sense of pride telling people Crystal Bear was a Siamese. At least part Siamese. Pine’s claws are like razor blades in my legs as he moves between attacking my apron string and my computer screen.

    The work of cats, the stench of the litter box, the scratching furniture, stink of wet food, recycling of cat food cans, why is an animal worth all of this extra work? How do animals take care of us?

    My entire family were animal people. There’s not a person in my Homer family and my mom’s family, she would tell me about their Datson and show me pictures. The little brown long torso dog looked so cute standing at the feet of a woman in an apron with short curly hair and glasses, I only knew her for a short time, she died when I was six. Then there was a tall man in a black suit with slick back dark hair, he was a car salesman. He was adopted and I have no idea if his family liked animals? Then, right next to Datson was my mom as a little girl in a white dress with white socks and white patent leather shoes. She had beautiful blue eyes like a Siamese cat, short brown bangs and light brown hair.

    My grandma and grandpa always had Salty and Pepper. I did ask them why they always named their dogs Salty and Pepper. They told me they liked the names Salty and Pepper, Salty was always wet and salty from swimming in the Sound and Pepper’s fur looked like pepper. These two things never changed, every time my grandparents’ dogs passed, they would immediately adopt a new black lab. Thier whole lives they had a series of black labs named Salty and Pepper.

    Once Billy, my last surviving animal, died during this past pandemic, I decided to go without animals. It’s been almost three years. One deciding factor is I am almost done with school for FOREVER! (ish)

    Also, at work, we have a Therapy Dog. One day she made a visit to our classroom. I had compression therapy. Ever since then, the most popular conversation between my own children and myself is when are we getting pets?

    The past two weeks have been the most relaxing in my home. Aspen and Pine visit all the members of our home. Everyone feels relaxed with the cats sleeping on their laps. It feels like we need cats.

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  • My Self Worth

    July 27th, 2023

    Self-Worth– A sense of one’s own value as a human being. (Merriam- Webster)

    I love my career. I am grateful for my education and grateful to myself for following my dreams. As I sit closer to my final graduation ceremony, I am confident that I have made the right decisions in my life. I am coming to understand the worthiness of my existence.

    I have lived the majority of my life trying to prove my usefulness. I have sacrificed my own well-being in order to take care of other’s needs. The consequence for this has been a constant cycle of gut-stress leading to this past year alone, two bouts of diverticulitis, essentially, I told myself “I just need to get through this year, it will be O.K. if I eat vegetarian instead of Vegan, and buy prepackaged and premade foods, and drink coffee 3 times a day to keep going through the day, and lastly never take a break, eat through lunch, as long as I can keep take care of my family and finish my schooling.”

    But I got sick. I let the pressure affect my decisions and put other people’s bodies and wellbeing first. I did not put my oxygen mask on first. I never had the self-worth to do so. Today I bought an overpriced coffee mug from an overpriced grocery store. I also bought an overpriced mini–French Press, a coffee scoop, and a bag of Starbucks Breakfast Blend, ground. On the cup it says, “Good Things are Coming“. The color is Peach, and it has little white daisies on the back.

    I put the mug back on the shelf once, when I saw how much it cost. Then I decided to get it, anyway, picked it back up and put it in my cart. I also treated myself to a 10$ bath salt, in which I did the same sequence of moves, how much does it cost, decided it’s way too much to spend on such a thing, then decided I want to have the best bath experience ever. I can say, I took the bath and it delivered. It smelt like patchouli. My muscles feel better and so does my skin.

    When I returned from the store, I made myself a cup of coffee in my new mug. I sat outside listened to the birds sing as my belly became warm and full. The taste of fresh coffee in my mouth. I reminisced about my trip to San Diego and the therapeutic effect it had on me. It was the first time I had been to San Diego since the day I left, age seventeen, and hitchhiked to New York.

    The vacation rental was a little beach cottage on Jamaica Court. Walking in one direction was the bay, the other the ocean, and the third, the rock jetty at Mission Beach. So many feelings and emotions came up for me. Most significantly how I became a person with low self-worth, and how I have perpetuated that belief in myself. In many ways, as a child and a teenager I was thrown away. My belongings put out on the curb for trash day. No parent wanted me.

    I grew up trying to prove I wasn’t trash, but also hiding and being ashamed of my upbringing and the things that happened to me, the life that I was born into. I realized, though, that those things are not me. I made decisions and I survived. It was not my fault and does not reflect on my self-worth. I was a child, searching for belonging. But fighting to survive, with education in the back of my mind at all times.

    Today I am grateful that my Dreams of getting my teaching credentials in Special Education and Art, as well at my Graduate Degree in Fine Arts has all become a reality. Today I am honoring the hard work I have put in, and, at the same time forgiving myself for anything I ever felt ashamed of. I am learning my self-worth little by little.

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  • Three Years Later……….

    July 17th, 2023

    Outside:

    Clusters of white, dirty, dry, petal soft standing as tall as my waist, hot sun shining down, breeze blows, oak trees rustle, figs in green scatter branches covered by large leaves, under which I get reprieve from the middle of July, early afternoon.

    Inside:

    Daughter sleeping, surgery tomorrow for second cochlear implant. Son playing video games. Fan on, curtains closed.

    Studio:

    Felt great exhilaration. Black, white, water, sumi brush, 20 minutes.

    Mind:

    As I move further away from the depths of my credential program my mind starts to sparkle with creativity.

    I will not start my master’s in education or my DHH program anytime soon! I am going to enjoy my three credentials for the foreseeable future, that way I can get back in my studio making art and writing, as well as gain experience working in the field. (Which I LOVE)

    Love my job as a Special Education teacher. Love it so much. I have been running an Art Club at my school during lunch, so I still have a connection to teaching art!

    Mind:

    That just reminded me I want to also get my STEAM certificate to run an afterschool STEAM program.

    I can’t stop my mind! Want to learn so much and teach so many things! At least they all go together.

    To recap, since I last wrote I had just finished my CSET in ART. Then I took my CSET in multiple subjects.

    For the last three years I have been going to Sonoma State University getting my teaching credentials,

    -Single Subject Art Credential

    -Mild/Mod Special Education

    -Extensive support needs Special Education.

    I GRADUATE in December with all three!!! (I graduated last year with my Single Subject Art Credential!)

    It has been the BEST credential program ever! It was really hard to go to school fulltime, work full time as a Resource Teacher Intern, and take care of my family! No time for writing anything other than research papers and lesson plans! No time for painting in my studio. But I got through it and I am so glad I followed my heart! I love my jobs as a teacher in Special Ed and Art.

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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
  • Blog
  • Catitudes
  • Dirty Laundry Blog
  • My Peloton version 2
  • Portfolio
  • Random Tips for twin parents

 

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