November Engulfs Me

November engulfs me. It enchants me, spider webs, dampness, creepy crawlies, the cold achy sad bones, memories. Sad ones and happy ones. Mostly quiet ones. Make a few changes, put in the effort. Two paper plate turkey’s look at me with bobble eyes, the dishwasher hums. I worry about my time running out. I worry about what’s ahead of me again. Christmas. I am not a Christmas person. Last year it was definitely cute, seeing Jack and Fiona open their presents. All the sentiment was good. I did the Christmas tree two years in a row. It was beautiful and fun to decorate, see everyone’s excitement. The tree was up last year for two days until Jack and Fiona pulled of the lights and started biting the bulbs. I don’t want to go through what will surely be worse this year. I’m trying to minimize stress; as it is, I feel I’m telling Jack and Fiona “no” all day long. A tree will times that by 100!

I had a fascinating time in my studio today. Although I barely made to my studio day; and almost gave it away by making it a “special day away with Mommy”, (I came to my senses), I painted in blues, forms disappeared into the background. I realized it had been too long since I have painted. Was it Monday? Yesterday was Zoo day. Jack couldn’t wait to see the gorillas and Fiona kept asking to go to the “Family Farm”. Jack looked at the gorillas in all three viewing spots. He was quiet and respectful and observed for a long time. He even stayed behind the rope, after I remined him a few times. We pet, brushed, and fed the goats. We saw: Giraffes, Zebras, Ostriches, monkeys, flamingos, beetles, tarantulas. They played on the playground. It has every different type of slide, climbing structure, tunnels, swings, nets, imaginable. I remember parts of the playground, not that long ago that scared me. I had to stay close by the babies. Mainly carrying Fiona to follow Jack. Yesterday I lost sight of one kid or another several times. I wasn’t afraid of them falling and getting hurt. I tried to keep track as much as possible, but it was really difficult. They were fine.

The other night Jack and Fiona told me they needed to go poop. “O.K. I said, staying in the kitchen. At first it sounded normal. I wondered if I should check up on them, but gave them the benefit of the doubt. I hear laughing, I go in and Fiona has a tiny little piece of toilet paper wiping the toilet seat, which has a thin smear of poop all over it. There is a pile of poop on the floor and poop and pee in the porta potty. Jack is standing in the sink washing poop off his butt.

Jack just called me. They are awake now. Nap Time is over. I am thankful for naptime paintings and writings.

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