It takes a long time.

It takes a long time. I started off the morning on the deck with Jack and Fiona, I had one of my notebooks from my note book project. (One of my thoughts is to keep one with me while on domestic duty) I bought Jack and Fiona each thier own notebook. Of course most of the time they are eating the crayons, chalk, markers, or putting paint in their  mouths. When they did decide to lay down some marks this morning, Fiona drew on one side of the glass on the door and Jack drew on the other side. It was kinda cool so I didn’t tell them no. I worked on some quick sketches and played with the markers and crayons. I still have a challenge getting loose in those situations. But I’m working on it. 

By the time I got down to my studio ready to work it was already 1:00pm. I wanted to be in by 12:00 at the latest, but the babies are still feeling yucky so I stayed with Lindsay until nap time to give some TLC. It’s something I like to do when I have someone here helping me. I can give each baby extra attention. Something that’s impossible when it’s just me and two babies. 

I feel crappy too, so it took me a whiny while to get into things. It took lots of work as well, prepping all the paper and deciding what the hell to work on. I knew I wanted to use the press and collage. 

I felt like it was hard work every step of the way, I had to use restraint. I was also fighting the voices in my head telling me my throat hurts, my chest hurts, my legs ache, and I’m kind of melencholy. But I stayed strong and tried to remember I’m a professional working artist. This is my job. I have two jobs, I’m a mother and Housewife and an Artist. 

Neither make me any money, but both are equally as important. If I had to support us we’d be living on the street, but that’s not important right now. 

What is important about today is documenting and realizing that it takes a long time to push through and work from a pure expression from inside myself. 

When I painted my last group I felt totally connected with the process.  I’ve been practicing something Carl suggested to me in the workshop, something I’ve been struggling with. I am getting closer and  these last pieces Feel like I was one with all the parts on the paper and the paper itself. 
I was able to keep any hesitation from my mind subdued. 


One thought on “It takes a long time.

  1. I appreciate your candor, honesty and insights. I remember dealing with everything in life with just 1 child. Wow, you are knocking me OUT. I hope I can meet you in person. The spontaneity of your art, your gestures , make me swoon. Truly, keep going, no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist